No one buys a Ferrari street car, in spite of arguably being the pinnacle of automotive engineering, because of specs. What is the goal of all that technical prowess? It’s not performance. It’s not even talking points. It’s intercourse. (Preferably not with yourself.)
This week on Morgan Versus, we put what I consider Ferrari’s most recent misfire—one in a long line of errors—up against the world’s very best/worst vehicle, my Morgan 3-wheeler. This week’s victim? The Ferrari 458 Spider.
(Thank you to the Classic Car Club of Manhattan for providing the Ferrari. Ferrari never would have. Even if they would have, they certainly won’t after watching this.)
What was Ferrari thinking? There are only two types of Ferraris: the ones that are cool, and the ones that aren’t. The transition between cool and uncool occurred in 1984, with the last year the Berlinetta Boxer was produced, after which Italy’s most famous marque turned to junk. They were junk before that, but they had the excuse of timeless designs that were good. Now everything is just tacky.
I know, I know. The Morgan 3-Wheeler is also junk, but it’s perfect. Also perfect for reaching the owner’s goal of intercourse, with another human, for free. Just look at it. It screams personality. The Ferrari does too, but not one attractive to anyone’s target demographic, unless your target is underage boys. The Morgan will also make you friends. Single mothers. Soon-to-be single mothers. Soon-to-be mothers. Mechanics. Insurance adjusters. Everyone that matters.
Still not convinced? Watch the video anyway, because it’s the one that will get me banned by Ferrari from events, junkets and press cars for the rest of my life. And deservedly so.
Alex Roy is Editor-at-Large for The Drive, Host of The Autonocast, co-host of /DRIVE on NBC Sports, author of The Driver and Founder of Noho Sound, has set numerous endurance driving records in Europe & the USA in the internal combustion, EV, 3-wheeler & Semi-Autonomous Classes, including the infamous Cannonball Run record. You can follow him on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.