After owning a string of beater cars purchased through suspect circumstances, after making some money Conan O’Brien finally went to a dealership and bought himself something new: a Ford Taurus. And more than 30 years later, he’s still trying to convince former flame/forever bestie Lisa Kudrow that it’s a “fantastic” car. Why? Because what the comedian and former late-night host actually purchased was a Taurus SHO, which is, indeed, a fantastic car.
On this week’s episode of Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend, O’Brien and Kudrow reminisce about his excitement and her lack of it when he introduced his brand-new performance sedan to her. “You were so excited about the Ford Taurus, and I didn’t understand that,” Kudrow said. To which O’Brien exclaimed, “It’s the wolf in sheep’s clothing!”
O’Brien received the only acceptable response from a roundtable of non-car enthusiasts: laughter.
Kudrow, along with co-hosts Sona Movsesian (O’Brien’s assistant) and Matt Gourley (O’Brien’s producer), LOL’d so hard at O’Brien’s insistence that his car wasn’t a loser.
“It’s a Ford Taurus on the outside, but it’s got an incredible engine and a stick shift,” O’Brien said, recounting his attempt at convincing Kudrow back then (and his co-hosts now). His new Taurus, SHO or not, was truly elite compared to his previous ’80s-era Buick Opel by Isuzu and early ’70s Plymouth Valiant. For one thing, the Buick/Isuzu had a backseat that might’ve been covered in blood (no one really knows), and the Valiant was, well, basic.
O’Brien’s new ride, however, was a dark green 1992 Taurus SHO, which he still owned through at least 2020. The model year was a redesign year, even though it carried over the same gen-one powerplant. Under the hood was a Yamaha-built V6 engine that claimed 220 horsepower and 200 lb-ft of torque. The transmission was a Mazda-derived 5-speed manual.
Of course, he lost the debate. Kudrow earlier misremembered the trim level as a GTO. O’Brien corrected her, “Not a GTO. S-H-O. Super High Output.”
“Oh, okay,” Kudrow glossed over, as she channeled her inner Phoebe.
So many sighs were made while watching the short clip, but also laughs. We’re not haters. Commenters were quick to defend and support Team Coco’s vehicle choice. But even O’Brien admitted that for all the specs of his high-po Taurus, it was the stick shift that gave him trouble.
“When I bought it, I didn’t know how to drive stick,” O’Brien said.
When asked why he bought a manual transmission car in the first place, O’Brien said they were cheaper. But Kudrow is in the know. “Because that’s what men did,” she said. “If you had a fast car, you didn’t get some wimpy automatic transmission.” O’Brien then confessed, “I needed to have full control over every inch of my Taurus.”
Neither is wrong. I’ve lost count of how many friends learned how to drive a stick after buying the car, usually to impress someone who likely didn’t even care. One friend had the double whammy of trying to look cool in front of his then-girlfriend but was also embarrassed by his jerky stall-heavy test drive that he bought the MX-5 Miata on the spot. Stick shifts were also cheaper and more fuel-efficient back then, but that’s not the case these days.
What does continue, and will probably go on forever, is car people trying to convince non-car people that their [insert generic commuter car name here] isn’t as mid as it looks because it’s the performance version. It’s a sleeper, they’ll say, but wait until you hear the cold start! “Oh, okay.”