A few years ago, Taco Bell ran an ad campaign centered around the idea of “Fourth Meal”—a rather ingenious attempt to corner the market for late-night drunchies. For one Florida man, however, it seems that the need to dine under the influence came a tad earlier in the day. According to police, a 28-year-old was arrested for driving under the influence last Wednesday afternoon after passing out in a Tampa-area bank’s drive-thru lane, then, upon awakening, attempting to order a burrito.
According to police documents obtained by The Smoking Gun, on January 17th, an officer of the Hernando County Sheriff’s office was called to a local Bank of America branch after receiving a report from the bank manager of a suspected intoxicated driver. The bank manager, Martin Claussen, told authorities that a white male driving a blue Hyundai had been sitting in the bank’s drive-thru lane in an apparent state of unconsciousness. When Claussen awoke the man after hammering on the car’s window “for some time,” the white male within, seemingly disoriented, asked the bank manager for a burrito. Upon being told by Claussen that he was not at Taco Bell, the man drove off.
Apparently, he didn’t get far. Upon arrival, the sheriff’s deputy found 28-year-old Tampa resident Douglas Francisco sitting behind the wheel of an idling blue Hyundai in the parking lot of the bank. Claussen identified the man as the would-be fast foodie; when the officer approached, however, Francisco denied having been the one who attempted to score some Mexican food from the second-largest bank in the U.S.
But not only could Francisco fail to come up with a reason why the bank manager would have fibbed, he also proceeded to make a series of statements that were, to put it politely, counter-factual: He claimed he had the car’s air conditioner on, according to the report, when he actually had the heat running due to an outside temperature in the mid-40s. Between Francisco’s odd conversation, his delayed reactions, and his slowed movements, the officer quickly suspected him of being under the influence; after a series of field sobriety tests appeared to confirm this hypothesis, the officer placed Francisco under arrest for driving under the influence of narcotics. (Francisco was found with Oxycodone and Alprazopam—a.k.a. Xanax—on him, though he had a prescription.)
Francisco was released on $500 bail on Thursday, according to The Smoking Gun. The Florida man’s court date is set for February 7th. A urine sample was sent off for analysis; while the results were not available as of this article’s publication, we at The Drive suspect it may contain more evidence of prescription drugs than of the horrific blend of semi-digestible ingredients Taco Bell passes off as “beef.”