Recently, two staffers at The Drive—Will Sabel Courtney and Sean Evans—found themselves driving the 2016 Chevrolet Camaro SS and the 2016 Cadillac ATS-V on the same weekend. Both cars are based on General Motors’ excellent Alpha platform. Both make roughly the same amount of power. Both came with six-speed manual gearboxes. And, oddly enough, both wore the same shade of blue paint.
So they met up. They drove both cars back-to-back on the same stretch of roads. They each came away with their own stubborn, pig-headed opinions. And they each brought those options back to the office, where they vented them at one another via the online messaging platform Slack.
The following is a transcript of that debate.
WSC: Okay, so.
WSC: You had the Camaro SS last weekend, and I had the ATS-V.
SE: New Slack. Who dis?
WSC: Bite me.
WSC: Anyhoo.
SE: Yes, I had the superior car.
SE: What about it?
WSC: Two seconds in and you’ve already started lying.
WSC: As my car was clearly better.
WSC: The ATS-V is faster, first of all, as we clearly proved.
SE: The only thing we proved was that you had launch control and I did not.
[Ed. note: The 2016 Camaro SS does, in fact, have launch control.]
WSC: Well, that, and you don’t know how to launch a car off the line.
SE: What’s the 0-60 time Caddy reports for the ATS-V?
SE: /gif eyes narrow
WSC: Googling. Please hold.
WSC: Cadillac quotes 3.8 seconds.
SE: Ah. Okay, so your car is quicker, but only JUST. The ‘Maro shuffles to 60 in 4.
SE: But you have two turbos.
SE: I had zero turbos.
WSC: But you have mad displacement.
WSC: 6.2 liters versus 3.6.
WSC: And like your mom said last night, there is no replacement for displacement.
SE: /gif dorothy mantooth
SE: Right. So you have a smaller, more powerful engine, and it’s a slightly SLIGHTLY faster car
SE: but the Camaro is undoubtedly louder and scares the children and therefore is more fun.
WSC: It also handles better, because of that smaller engine.
SE: Disagree. I like how slippy the Camaro was.
WSC: Oh, the Camaro is definitely more fun to hoon around.
SE: Besides, that’s the same LT from the Corvette.
SE: #heritage
WSC: /gif muricah
SE: Precisely.
SE: so you can keep your tiny engine, your alleged better handling and your marginally faster car
SE: particularly because it costs, what $30K more?
WSC: Ummm…
SE: Mine was $46K
SE: how expensive was yours?
WSC: I plead the Fifth on that one.
WSC: /gif i plead the fifth
WSC: Mine was $75K.
SE: Right.
SE: and what do you get for all that?
SE: two more pistons on your Brembo brakes?
WSC: BUT that was with a bunch of unnecessary accoutrements like the Carbon Fiber Package.
WSC: It starts at a hair over $60,000.
WSC: And that’s with all the tasty performance treats.
SE: Still 14K over the Camaro
SE: and far quieter
WSC: The Caddy’s interior alone is worth at least half of that $14K.
SE: I don’t need alcantara
SE: I don’t need any of that nonsense.
SE: I need power and noise.
SE: /gif roar
SE: dammit Gif.
WSC: /gif haha
WSC: The Camaro is a fun goofy car to play around in. But the Cadillac manages to be a better sports car AND a better car in general.
SE: It absolutely does not manage to be a better sports car.
SE: no one stares at it.
WSC: STARES DO NOT A SPORTS CAR MAKE
WSC: SPORTINESS IS WHAT MAKES A SPORTS CAR
SE: that’s a hallmark of a sports car.
WSC: You’re a hallmark of a sports car.
SE: /gif you’re a towel
WSC: that is accurate.
SE: But getting back to the basics. We went to Bear Mountain, right?
SE: with all it’s wonderful, twisty roads
SE: You led in the Caddy
SE: and couldn’t pull away at all.
SE: The Camaro was right on your tail the whole time.
WSC: They’re more or less evenly matched in terms of speed
WSC: But the ATS-V is better balanced.
WSC: Your rear end was dancing all over the road as you went through those turns.
SE: Okay, which car do I want to track? The Caddy.
SE: Which car would I daily? The Camaro.
SE: I liked that the back end steps out a bit.
SE: that’s why you buy a Camaro.
WSC: Okay, yeah, that is fun.
SE: that’s why you want a muscle car.
SE: you want the loud and the horror show (and tire smoke)
WSC: But my biggest real beef with the Camaro?
WSC: You can’t see out of the bastard.
WSC: I felt like I was driving a Civil War pillbox.
SE: /gif accurate
SE: They need to address that.
WSC: Those front corners could hide a black bear.
SE: Sure.
SE: and you could also have one chasing you and never know it because of the tiny rear window
WSC: “The 2016 Chevrolet Camaro: Not Great Against Bears”
SE: “The 2016 Cadillac ATS-V: Not That Much Better Than a Camaro”
SE: They’re step brothers.
SE: on the Alpha platform.
WSC: /gif step brothers
SE: Okay so which is which, smart guy? On three…
SE: The Camaro is the Dragon
WSC: Dragon is the Camaro
WSC: Whoa. Great minds.
SE: I feel like the Camaro is the older brother who is proficient with a noogie and may give you a swirlie and burps a lot after guzzling soda.
SE: but he’s strong, and funny and you always want him around.
WSC: And the ATS-V is the younger brother who had a lot to prove, so he cleaned up his act, hit the gym, and got a really good job.
SE: /gif nerd
WSC: I refuse to address any Supernatural gifs.
SE: That you know where that’s from is even sadder
SE: So what’s the conclusion
SE: I’m right? You’re wrong? The Camaro is better?
WSC: Bottom line—they’re both really, really good cars. The ATS-V is a bit better. But $15,000 better? Not sure.
SE: But it’s not $15K. It’s more than that. If you’re saying base is around $62, base for me is still $41 and it’s got all the goodies that you have to spend another $10K to add. Like heated and cooled seats, leather, etc.
WSC: Point still stands. The ATS-V is the superior car, in my mind. But the price difference is high enough that it’s hard to compare them apples-to-apples.
SE: I will get a bag of apples, get in the Camaro, drift around your ATS-V and throw said apples at you.
WSC: But you won’t be able to hit me, because you won’t be able to see me.
WSC: Because of the aforementioned shitty sight lines.
SE: /gif i see you
WSC: And on that note…
SE: /gif bye felicia
SE: /gif camaro
—
2016 Chevrolet Camaro 2SS
Price (as tested): $41,300 ($46,095)
Powertrain: 6.2 liter, 455 horsepower V8; six-speed manual transmission; RWD
0-60 MPH: 4.0 seconds (automatic transmission)
MPG: 16 city, 25 highway
—
2016 Cadillac ATS-V Sedan
Price (as tested): $60,465 ($75,900)
Powertrain: Twin-turbocharged 3.6 liter, 464 horsepower V6; six-speed manual transmission; RWD
0-60 MPH: 3.8 seconds (automatic transmission)
MPG: 16 city, 25 highway