This is it. Just in time for the busiest travel week of the year—Happy Thanksgiving!—we have found the salve to ease the aches and misery of airports. Forget long lines, invasive security patting, crowded terminals and painful, sticky seats at every gate; this year, when you head home for the holiday, board your plane via convertible and rickety ladder.
Just think: Your friends wait in a grumbling mass to board some jetliner, via jetway, that will definitely, definitely be hot and smell like a portobellos. They’ll shuffle, bleary-eyed and impatient, into the belly of the beast. Not you, kid. First, arrange with a biplane pilot to buzz a nearby runway. Then, find an old Ford Model A or the like, and commission a driver to get you to said runway. As the biplane dips low, your driver will speed, catching the ladder unfurling from the plane. Up you will climb, a champion .
This is a still from the 1975 film The Great Waldo Pepper. Use it as a guide.